aaron schachter

haiku i wrote while driving through a mcdonald's drivethru for breakfast at 9:30am

yo dogs how did we
run out of coffee? asked the
young mcdonald's clerk

everything i do
i do it for you. at least,
all of the good stuff

long hair, skinny jeans.
are you a guy or a girl?
kinda hard to tell.

hey, these stale water
crackers taste like the chinese
noodles that i like.

there are so many
albums i can’t listen to
no more cos of you.

right in the temple!
it started as only one,
now a few. gray hairs

i feel sort of bad
but there’s like no way that i
will respond to you

that was a great joke
do you remember that time
when you joined a gym?

that season again
when i tune out all of the
talk about baseball

the long train ride home
feels like the first of many
failed internet dates

my neighbors sound drunk
a glass shatters, someone laughs
and says: “you did it!”

“you’re the funniest!”
she says to him. he replies,
“just the loneliest.”

just another day
at work trying to avoid
talking to the boss

sometimes the people
in real life who are fear-less
need to shut their face

back in the old days
they didn’t have exercise
or no computers

you had the nicest
laugh today when i almost
hit you with my bike

living back at home.
my mom goes to sleep later
than me. can’t smoke weed.

you called out sick for
four-twenty. are you kidding?
just go to work high