Why are you wearing

sunglasses on the subway?

You stoned old lady


Right in the temple!

It started as only one,

Now a few. Gray hairs


You had the nicest

laugh today when I almost

hit you with my bike


Everything I do

I do it for you. At least,

All of the good stuff


That season again

when I tune out all of the

talk about baseball


Back in the old days

they didn’t have exercise

or no computers


My neighbors sound drunk

A glass shatters, someone laughs

and says, “You did it!”


Living back at home

My mom goes to sleep later

than me, can’t smoke weed


The long train ride home

feels like the first of many

failed internet dates


“You’re the funniest!”

she says to him. He replies,

“Just the loneliest”


That was a great joke

Do you remember that time

when you joined a gym?


Just another day

at work trying to avoid

talking to the boss


You called out sick for

four-twenty. Are you kidding?

Just go to work high


Hey, these stale water

crackers taste like the Chinese

noodles that I like